The Golden Nopopotamus
by NullNoMore
Summary: Did you finish the Miralife Card quest (Trade Agreement)? Well, you should, because Nopon can be adorable. Then we find out why the Golden Nopopotamus card was so special to Miss Warawa (hint: she's one of us) and she's won't be stopped until the whole story is told. All the good stuff belongs to Monolith Soft, bless them.
1. Writing Is Haaaaard!

**The Golden Nopopotamus, part 1. Writing is Haaaard.**

 **A/N: Did you finish the Miralife Card quest (Trade Agreement)? Well, you should, because Nopon can be adorable. Then we find out why the Golden Nopopotamus card was so special to Miss Warawa (hint: she's one of us).**

 **No swears, no evil (except for that wizard). Spoilers to every in-game Nopon related thing I could remember, and some that other people made up, including MONOLITH SOFT's 100% canon pre-game fiction, written by one of the real writers, Yuichiro Takeda, oh, my, stars! Go! Read it! "Upon That Nameless Planet" – a piece that will make you respect Tatsu – then read the rest, including the only Nagi fiction I can bear to look at, this can so wait….**

 **Have I mentioned that everything good belongs to the hard working geniuses at MONOLITH SOFT? And some love for for for the localization team 8-4, you know?**

 **And I had to put more a/n's in-story, usually a no-no, but otherwise I start to scream during this thing.**

* * *

Miss Warawa chewed on the end of her stylus, a special Hello Nopon Spring Bloom edition with Noctilum blossom patterns. She was finding this writing difficult. Not that writing itself was difficult. She was literate. Nopon were a cultured people, after all, and Warawa prided herself on being more cultured than most. But the Nopon language was better suited for writing invoices and IOUs, not the finer, richer goal she had set for herself. She wanted to write the first Nopon-centric Miralife card fanfiction.

The story wasn't the problem. She had the whole of it in her own head, playing its way through her dreams and her waking hours. She only had to look at her golden nopopotamus card to see the events and feel all the emotions in crystalline detail. Given half a chance, she could regale any listener for an hour or two about all the ins and outs of her story. She could talk to an interested listener even longer, but she hadn't found many of those. Any of those, to be honest. But she now had a chance, and she was not going to let anything get in her way. [a/n: You go, girl! I will fave you instantly.]

So the problem, really, was finding a way to turn oral storytelling, a rich Nopon tradition, into this new-fangled human method of written story. She would get there, certainly, but the deadline was drawing nearer and nearer and she was not much closer to completing her magnum opus. She sighed and chewed the stylus some more.

 _Little Marama was cutest Nopon in all caravans of caravans. All Nopon agreed, except the stupid ones. But there were many stupid ones in Marama's home caravan, and they very mean to sweet little Marama. She find comfort in other cute things, not the bitey ones, only the gentle fuzzy ones, who were all drawn to her cuteness. They were her true friends, but no one was her equal for cuteness._

An excellent beginning, but it was going so slowly, so very slowly. Maybe she should take a break, get a snack and bolster her concentration that way. Now, who would buy her something to eat? Writing was her passion, but it was not yet something that would pay the bills. Best bet: a BLADE. They were generous and often smitten by her charm. Second choice: some other xeno, but she would have to avoid the hungry kind. Her gaze landed on Justin, a BLADE and a Mediator. No, he had bought her a kiwegg smoothie yesterday, too soon to ask. She shook her head angrily. Silly Warawa, do not try to distract yourself from your duty and your destiny with the thought of snacks.

 _Late one afternoon, as great Mother Moon was rising with little husband and three daughters, sweet Marama was walking past great pool when nasty dilus frighten her because he was so very bitey with so many slashy teeth and stink breath like purple poop of milesaur left in sunshine. Marama not really frightened, because she also very brave as well as cute, but dilus have maybe 1000 teeth going all which ways, so maybe little bit frightened is normal. "Meh meh meh," she cry out in despair. "Will no one help such a cute and adorable girl such as me?"_

Argh! It was just too difficult and slow. She needed help, not from snacks, not from special stylus. Not even her precious golden nopopotamus card was enough. She would ask Justin, not for food, but for advice. This wasn't distraction, this was smart.

"Justin! Justin! Warawa need help!"

The young blond man looked down on the bouncing and anxious pink form. "I am always here to help, any citizen, at any time! You can count on me!"

"Goody. Does Justin know anything about writing?"

A strange light flickered in Justin's eyes, and he turned pale. "Who told you about that? People shouldn't be so quick to judge. I'm proud of what I've done and I'm not going to apologize for it again." [a/n: It was thinly disguised Vandham/H.B. crack fiction. Canon, don't argue. Excuse me while I lose my mind.]

Warawa looked at him in confusion. "We not talking about you. We talking about my problem. Warawa need to finish story but it taking too long. Can she talk and you write?"

Justin was already walking quickly away. "I have to go. I have to be at … the Mediator's tent. Soon. In ten minutes. Less than that. Really soon. I can't help you today. Maybe tomorrow." He started to run.

Maybe when humans turn as cute as Nopon, thought Warawa sourly. Maybe when grex start to purr. Maybe when Sandy Bum Canyon fill itself with strawlennies and we all have cupcake party there. Clearly, she was to be left alone to face her troubles, unlike the heroine in her story.

 _From behind her, Marama heard sound of gentle but strong snorting. She turned to see light of sunset flash past her. But it not sunset light, it giant nopopotamus rushing past cute Marama, straight at evil dilus. Nopopotamus crash into side of dilus and knock stupid thing flying, then stomp all over it. Battle very epic and Marama cheer on her hero, while also chucking rocks at dilus, because she very brave and cute and also deadly good shot with rocks._

Oh, how she wished somebody would rush in and help her. She could chuck rocks of plot points at the story, but she needed somebody to knock over paragraphs and grammar and spelling junk for her. She was looking across the plaza, tears in her adorable eyes, when she saw the last person she wanted to see.

"Hi ya, Warawa," said Lin Lee Koo. "How's the story going? Will you have it done by tomorrow? The next edition of Pretty Skell N(e)X(t) goes to bed then." Lin was very proud of her current internship at New Los Angeles' premier skell fanfiction 'zine.

"Everything peachy, no problem here," said Warawa brightly, blinking quickly.

"Meh meh meh, somebody lying."

"Shut up, glasses boy."

"You too nervous to be honest. Ambassadors can tell. And Tatsu is grown."

"You still know-nothing littlepon!" Warawa was not going to take any flak from somebody 3 years her junior. That Lin Lee was also 3 years younger did not cross her mind. Linly was cool. Tatsu was not and never would be.

"Calm down, both of you," Lin Lee said, annoyance in her voice. "Tatsu, don't be rude or I'll stir fry you for certain. Warawa, you gotta tell me. Will your piece be ready by tomorrow?"

It was too much for such an honest soul. "Ahhhhh," wailed Warawa. "It so haaaaaaard! So many words and it hurt to write so much!"

Lin looked more concerned than sympathetic. "That's not good. This youth edition was my idea. If I can't deliver enough pages, they might have to cancel the whole thing. I'm stretching it as it is, getting someone like Alexa to contribute. She's old." [a/n: She's 21. Sigh.]

"You write story. Help darling Warawa to finish in time."

"I can't write your story!" squealed Lin. "That wouldn't be fair! Besides, it's YOUR story. I don't even know how to start writing what a Nopon feels."

"It still better than anything stinky pinky write," muttered Tatsu, earning himself a wing slap from his agitated co-speciest.

"I suppose you could just write a partial story. Like a first chapter. The readers may be disappointed," said Lin.

"More like relieved." More slaps, again deservedly.

"Ahem! Come on, Warawa. Write what you can, and we'll fill any space with a picture of something. A skell, I guess. Maybe Alexa has one we can use." [A/n: Oh, yes. Yes, she does.]

"But it so haaaaard!" repeated Warawa. "Linly must help fellow storyteller. Give Warawa pro tip for getting in the flow!"

Lin Lee pursed her mouth in concentration. "I don't know. I guess you could, maybe, listen to music. That always helps me. Something soothing and matching the mood."

"Warawa need something heroic and dreamy then."

"A heroic and dreamy skell? Really? Oooh-kay. Look, let me send you a play list of stuff that might work. It's human music, mostly, with a little Ma-non thrown in. See if it works for you." Lin was already tapping away at her comm device and a moment later there was an answering ping from Warawa's.

"Thank you, thank you! Warawa give you guest appearance in story! Nice one." She waved as her idol and her idol's useless lump of Nopon servant walked away.

Warawa cranked up the music. It was very odd, sort of tinkly and slippy, not like the twangy bounce and scrape of good Nopon music, but she would give it a try. She took out her beloved Miralife card, stared hard at the face of her dearest imaginary friend, his sweet emerald eyes, his delicately carved tusks, and began to write.

* * *

 **A/N: I'm trying to 100% XCX, so I'm mopping up quests and got BLINDSIDED by the ending of this one. Written in a white hot fury as a result.**

 **You think this is done? Ha! We got Nopon fanfic incoming!**

 **The playlist that Lin sent contained a whole lot of Owl City.** **Eldest Child came up with Justin's secret and made me laugh so hard I almost died (that ship has haunted my worst nightmares, sail it if you wish, bless you, but I'll stay safe on shore, thanks).**


	2. The Golden Nopopotamus by Ms Warawa

**The Golden Nopopotamus, part 2, written by Ms. Warawa of New Los Angeles.**

 **a/n: Nopon fan fic incoming! Read it fast and weep for me. Because the epic duo are absolutely epic. Nopon grammar slightly corrected from last chapter, uh, sure.**

 **A little danger, a lot of Nopon-based spoilers, and all the good stuff belongs to Monolith Soft. Watch me spin gold into straw! More internal a/n's because I just can't stand it, ahhhhhhhh!**

* * *

 _Little Marama was cutest Nopon in all caravans of caravans. All Nopon agreed, except the stupid ones. But there were many stupid ones in Marama's home caravan, and they very mean to sweet little Marama. She found comfort in other cute things, not the bitey ones, only the gentle fuzzy ones, who were all drawn to her cuteness. They were her true friends, but no one was her equal for cuteness._

 _Late one afternoon, as great Mother Moon was rising with little husband and three daughters, sweet Marama was walking past great pool when a nasty dilus frightened her. It was so very bitey with so many slashy teeth and stink breath like purple poop of milesaur left in sunshine. Marama not really frightened, because she was also very brave as well as cute, but dilus has maybe 1000 teeth going all which ways, so maybe little bit frightened is normal. "Meh meh meh," she cries out in despair. "Will no one help such a cute and adorable girl such as me?"_

 _From behind her, Marama hears sound of gentle but strong snorting. She turns to see light of sunset flash past her. But it not sunset light, it giant nopopotamus rushing past cute Marama, straight at evil dilus. Nopopotamus crash into side of dilus and knock stupid thing flying, then stomp all over it. Battle very epic and Marama cheer on her hero, while also chucking rocks at dilus, because she is very brave and cute and also deadly good shot with rocks._

 _Even epic battles must end, with much muddy splashing. Evil dilus fled battlefield with much shorter tail and many fewer teeth. Marama bounces daintily as nopopotamus return to her side. But oh horror! Heroic nopopotamus gravely injured. Blood trickle from his chubby tail. "Do not worry, brave creature! Marama will tend your wound!" Cute Nopon girl luckily carry bandages in pack everywhere, so she can tend animal friends. Soon, nopopotamus all fixed up and lively again. Gratitude shines clear in his eyes, green like purest White Land crystals. Now that battle over and friend made well again, Marama realizes that nopopotamus different from all others in Land That Go On and On and On. From head to tailtip it has golden hide, except for a small spot on side of face, shaped like teardrop and pale blue._

 _"_ _You are my hero, lovely Golden Nopopotamus. Cute Nopon is Marama. I will call you Goldy and we will be friends forever." Goldy nodded his noble head and snuffled in agreement._

 _Marama never lonely again after that. Every time she leaves caravan, Goldy was by her side at once. They collected berries and fish and all sorts of good snacks, and no one ever bothered them because Goldy was so amazing. One day they wander very far from caravan and Marama so very tired, but Goldy gives Marama ride home. It feels amazing, riding on back of magical creature, between his rounded crests, and cute Nopon girl can see for great distance. Soon, she rides him all the time, and they have adventures that fill many nights of stories._

 _Once, they rescue whole family of adorable littlepon, children of richest caravan leader, from evil pirates in floating straw ships. Pirates all become in love with Marama, so she tricked them into falling out of boat and Goldy thwap them with tail. When they bring back sweet and grateful littlepon, caravan leader smitten by cuteness of Marama and offers to marry her on the spot (luckily his wife recently eaten by large bird), but Goldy looks so sad and lonely that heroine cannot leave her friend and they ride away into sunset._

 _Another time, they find caravan wasted by strange poison. Brave duo must travel to highest and soggiest point in land and beg Ruler of Fates for cure. Monster glitter at them, but Marama and Goldy show no fear, and are cute right back at it. Only by proof of bravery and adorableness do they win enough etherscale for all sick Nopon. Caravan ask them to stay and become leaders, but again Goldy looks sad and so they ride away._

 _And another time, they must find lost sword of legendariness, which some mean Nopon accuse Marama of stealing, even though it lost a long time now and she still very young and cute. They must travel through many sandy parts of Sandy Bum Canyon and swampy bits of Nightglow Forest and worst of all Marama so hungry. She not complain herself, but then Goldy collapses from hunger and Marama so afraid for friend. She must climb very twisty tree to get enough leaves for Goldy, because lower leaves all covered with evil eggs of adseculas, very bad for digestion, makes tummy all kinds of bad gurgle. She helps Goldy eat, then they find the sword hidden under the eggs, put there by evil stupid Nopon wizard who shows up and yells at them. "Curses, I will get you!" screams stupid ugly not-so-smart wizard Sastu._ [a/n: Help, I'm channeling Dav Pilkey.]

 _And one more time they find angel from far away, a skinny tall girl, gentle and graceful with eyes almost as pretty as Marama's. "My name Leelylin, and I lost my caravan from the sky." Marama and Goldy must lead her to the edge of the big gap and wait for her people to come. It almost not work when evil wizard Sastu comes and tries to eat them, which is horrible and bad because Nopon not for eating, and angels also not. Goldy almost must sacrifice himself to save both of them, but the two cute girls make a plan and weave net to throw over wizard. That make him fall into pit, where he dies. Or does he? Then sky caravan arrives and takes Leelylin away, and girls cry because they best friends now. Goldy cry too, but Leelylin promise to come back sometime, if evil wizard ever return. And they have picnic first, with lots of suna watermelon._

 _All though adventures, Goldy always stays beside Marama and never leaves her side, because she so cute and special. But he always so sad, even on good days when there are only cute problems and good food at end of day. Marama notices that the blue tear by his eye had become two, then three tears, then many, like freckles of sky on his golden face. Every night, she kisses each freckle and promises never to leave him. Only then will he fall asleep, curled around Marama to keep her safe, like big snuffly wall._

 _After one more adventure, where the two amazing friends teach tall skinny blue man to dance and also to talk good Nopon, if a little peculiar at times, they learn amazing thing. Tall blue man tells them secret: evil wizard Sastu trying to rule all Nopon and make them stupid and evil slaves, and maybe his snacks too. Prophecy says that only the cutest Nopon girl and magical prince can save the Nopon people. Marama not sure, but she thinks maybe she is that cute girl, because she certainly is more cute than any other. But who is the prince? They meet no one like that. The blue man shrugs and says maybe she find prince eventually, if she looks low and high enough._

 _Now the pair have new quest, to find the lost prince. Not so easy to find, because no one else knows about him, and some even laugh because they do not believe magical prophecy. Still, everywhere they go, they gain allies because they always help out the lowly and hurting and not-so-cute. Better yet, every night, Mamara starts to dream of handsome prince, always smiling at her and promising that she is growing ever closer to him and he will wait, oh he is so sweet with eyes so wide and sparkly that they hurt Mamara's heart and he bounces like he is made from rising energy mist, so graceful. When she wakes, she tells Goldy, and when the nopopotamus looks sad, she promises she will never leave him either, and maybe they find him a pretty girl potatmus and they all have big families and her littlepon can ride his little potamuses forever._

 _Their adventures continue until they learn a terrible thing: the evil wizard Sastu has built a great black tower in the center of the grassiest place, and covered the whole place with a darkness worse than a spore storm. Nothing can move without being dragged down into the blackness, and even if you leave the area by luck, you are covered in black sticky evil and die terribly or maybe just become a slave. Actually, no one dies yet, but it is starting to look bad._

 _Marama cannot wait for her magical prince. She and Goldy must fight the wizard now, before he ruins anything more with his great big fat stupidness. They reach the edge of the darkness, and Marama almost despairs, but Goldy starts to glow, so brightly that nothing has ever been as golden as he was, not even the sun at its highest. The darkness must flee before them. Once, Goldy stumbles but Marama cheers him up with her amazing cuteness and he can keep going. Then they are met by shock troops of transformed Nopon, big and grey and with lots of grabby fingers and silly tiny wiggly ears. It is too many for even the amazing friends. At that very moment, the sky caravan returns and Leelylin sweeps the enemies away with a shield and lots of mean talk that makes the Not-Nopon cower and cover their faces. "I'll hold 'em. Let that potato wizard have it!" shouts their sky friend._

 _They reach the tower, and there are too many stairs to climb to reach the top. But they must, because they know the evil stupid wizard is up there. Half way up, Marama becomes dizzy and slips off the back of Goldy. Oh the tragedy! Can this be the end of Marama?!_ [a/n: help, I just channeled Kevin O'Malley, bless him too.]

 _The life of Marama flashes before her eyes, and in all the best bits she thinks of Goldy and how he has made her life so much better. Then, oh it is so amazing, Goldy can fly. He swoops down as fast as the Ruler of Fates and catches his cute friend and they rise straight to the top of the tower. It is time for the final epic battle and Marama is sure they cannot do anything but be the winners. Because she is cute and Goldy is awesome and there is that prophecy._

 _But the evil wizard is waiting for them. "Mwa ha ha meh meh, you have fallen into my trap," he weezes at them, bouncing like moldy fruit. He has so many evil enslaved Nopon, none of them fluffy anymore, it is repellant, and they swarm the pair. Goldy swings his tail and knocks them flying, and stomps on some, and even has to use his tusks non-fatally on a few, but there are too many. Then the wizard captures Marama and tells Goldy to stop or he will hurt her cuteness. Goldy must stop, and in the end he must be put in terrible chains and it is looking very bad._

 _What the wizard does not know is that Marama still has two rocks hidden in her backpack, very heavy ones given to her by Goldy many adventures ago, when they were in a very rocky place and he found two rocks. One is golden and one is pink. "You will not hurt my friend!" she screams but in a very cute way. She takes rocks, one in each earwing, and swings around so fast, like a magical top, bashing the wizard with each rotation. There is nothing that stupid Sastu can do about it, because somehow the rocks are magical. Finally, she smacks him with both rocks at once and he faints. As soon as he faints, all the magic falls off of him and he shrivels into something weird. He was never a Nopon at all, just some type of shrimpy vegetable that is too ugly even to eat in stew._

 _Now all the slaves are free and fluffy again, and the darkness blows all away. But Marama is only worried for her friend Goldy. She runs to where his chains are, but he is not there. She is so sad, her eyes fill with tears, making them even more shiny and cute._

 _"_ _Do not be so sad," says a very sweet voice. When she turns, she sees the prince from her dreams. "I was enchanted by the evil wizard and you have rescued me. Even if you had never made me a Nopon again, I would always have loved you."_

 _He is the exact same light blue as the speckles on Goldy's face, and she notices that the golden rock is now blue. "You are Goldy!"_

 _Everyone is so very happy, and they find the room where the wizard had been hiding all the good food from the other Nopon, making them not just slaves but also starving. This means there will be a great feast, and after that Goldy and Marama live happily ever after, but also still have adventures, and so does their oldest daughter, who is also very cute, but she has a magical pet grex. The end._

* * *

 ** _A/N:_ Shoot, I can't write battle scenes even in Nopon. Shrug. Do you get that I may have told about a thousand bedtime stories in my day? Usually involving dragons, tyrannosaurs, and puppies.**

 **Re: Dav Pilkey. That man can do no wrong in my house because Youngest Child learned to read because of him. At 5am. We went to the 24-hour donut shop to celebrate. Sorry if his style is not your style, but bless him eternally. Kevin O'Malley is boss, too, especially Captain Raptor (and in our house, his sister, Captain Raptor).**

 **Getting kind of late. The coda comes tomorrow, whoops, later today.**


	3. Coda

**a/n: The story is done and Warawa rides in on a cloud of triumph. Or tiredness, those feel about the same on 4 hours sleep.**

 **All the good stuff belongs to MONOLITH SOFT, please, oh geniuses in Kyoto, give me a playable Nopon again. Or not, I'm in for whatever you have to offer.**

* * *

It was a bleary eyed Warawa that met Lin Lee the following morning, at 0900 exactly. She brought with her the precious work that she had labored on all through the Miran night. It was not enough for her to send it to her idol's comm device. No, she had been to the proving ground of art and she would deliver her masterpiece in person. And then she'd send it to Lin's comm device.

"Hi ya, Warawa, got something for me?" Lin and Alexa were standing together in the BLADE barracks, examining a collection of texts on the mission display screen. (Do not ask how they got permission to do that. Suffice it to say, Lin Lee Koo has Vandham wrapped around her little finger more often than not.)

"It is finished," gasped the haggard Nopon. Experienced eyes would have noted the wilted flower in her hair, the less than fluffy fur, the drooping wingears. Lin noticed a total absence of bouncing, but did not suspect the depths of her exhaustion.

"Great. You know, you could have just shot it over to me."

"I could not bear to let it go alone," replied Warawa. The transfer took but a moment.

"So, let's bring it up," chirped Alexa.

"Huh, it's kind of bigger than I expected," Lin muttered. The other human was reading at a rapid clip.

"Wait, wait, wait!" said Alexa, with an aggrieved tone. "What kind of trick is this? There is nothing, but nothing, about skells in this!"

"No, you're right." Lin skimmed to the end. She frowned. "Wizards. It has wizards. And flying popotamus."

"This has no business going in the 'zine," Alexa blurted angrily.

Lin sighed. She looked over at Warawa, and was shocked to find the Nopon had vanished. She scanned the room. No Warawa in the kitchen, or on the sofas. "Tatsu! What did you do with that other Nopon?"

Tatsu's green hooded face popped up from behind the kitchen island, with suspiciously jammy stains around his mouth. "Meh meh meh! Tatsu saw no Nopon except mean pink one."

"I meant her. Did she leave?"

"No. Tatsu would have remembered that, because of happiness."

The slightest noise from under the briefing table interrupted Lin's response. She peeked under and saw the astonishing sight of Ms. Warawa, curled in a ball, snoring softly, a look of rapturous peace on her dainty face, a slightly battered Miralife card cradled in her small arms.

Alexa was beside her, looking at the bundle of cute with a stunned expression that matched Lin's. "Well, shoot. Should we wake her?"

"I'm not sure we can. I have a feeling she stayed up all night." [a/n: nope. Done by 0300. I hope.]

"You can't put that piece in the issue, Lin. The magazine's called Pretty Skell N(e)X(t), remember? Not Pretty Wizard/Flying Hippo N(o)P(on)."

"I don't know." Lin was rereading the piece, thoughtfully. "I know it isn't about skells, but why would a Nopon write about them in the first place? Or want to read about them? This issue is all about young voices, right? New voices? And maybe new readers. Maybe we can stretch the ideals, just this once.

"Besides, how can we fill 5 pages otherwise? Endless skell pictures?"

Alexa's eyes gleamed. "Say the word, and I'll get you 50 pages."

Lin was still reading. Suddenly, she gave a squeak. She grabbed Alexa's arm and pointed to a late paragraph. "Alexa! Alexa! Did you read the wizard's name?!"

"No, it got too dumb at that point."

"Read it! Read it!"

Alexa read it. She grinned. "Oh, baby, this is SO going in the issue."

(By the way, the issue was a huge hit, and spurred the creation of a Miralife Card 'zine, the first and best contributor being Ms. Warawa, who continued to write the adventures of Little Goldimara, golden daughter of her original characters, and her grex, Spot.)

* * *

 **A/N: Ahhhhhhh, I just cannot stand this game, I love it so much! I respect people for whom it floats no boats, but I also have to pity them. They can feel free to pity me with respect to Final Fantasy.**


End file.
